Living with UC.

Ulveratice Colitis (uc) is a chronic inflammatory bowel disease (IBD).

…sooo, if you have a weak stomach please leave NOW, take a moment, and come back. Or, if you’re eating you may want to check back at a later time.

UC consists of abnormal reactions of the immune system that cause inflammation and ulcers on the inner lining of your large intestine. Sounds painful doesn’t it? Welp, it can be!

I was first diagnosed with UC in August 2018, and boy do I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember not being able to eat, get out of bed, and being very fatigued. Oh, and the stomach pain that I had was completely unbearable. I SCREAMED! I PRAYED! I SCREAMED! …and I PRAYED some more!! [[y’all I just knew that I was dying.—I’m very dramatic :)

for those of you that don’t know me, I’d rather experience pain than take medicine] …but after suffering in pain for 2 WHOLE DAYS, I was like sis enough is enough.

I finally gave in and allowed my mother to finally take me to the hospital, where I laid in a cold hospital bed in pain where I know I cried for hours non-stop. At this point my blood pressure had increased and I was very dehydrated. Lord, I’m thankful for w/e medicine that they gave me to not only calm me down, relax me, but it took away the pain.

After being at the hospital practically all night, around 2 AM I was told that I was being admitted. I was out of it, the pain had consumed me, and I really had no feelings about being admitted. AUGUST 17th, marked the first day of my WEEK HOSPITAL STAY caused by this nasty disease.

My mother stayed the night with me EVERY NIGHT, Lord I thank you for choosing this woman to be MY MOTHER! My mother poured into me when I couldn’t pour into myself. My mother prayed for and over me, waited on me hand & foot, and uplifted me. My mother allowed me to have Sharane’s Pity Party for the first few days, but after that sis would NOT allow the negative self-talk.

Mind y’all, I was in the beginning semester of the graduate Social Work program. Talk about a rough start to a school year. It was the being admitted into a hospital for a week, but Jesus giving me the strength, grace, and mercy to still attend school virtually FOR ME!!!

For an entire year, I was frustrated with GOD. That year was filled with soo many ER visits, quarterly office visits, pain, confusion, fatigue, embarrassment, shame, depression, anxiety and whatever else you can name.

I had ultimately reached my lowest point. I was frustrated with GOD that I had received this diagnosis. I mean I was only 24 years old, not even in my PRIME TIME yet !!! I kept saying GOD, this couldn’t have waited until I was in my 50s or something

…but in 2018 my life changed forever. I ultimately had to change the way that I thought and what I consumed, y’all sis had to protect her peace.

My day-to-day lifestyle changed. As a 24 year-old female, I would have to plan out my entire day because this illness robbed me of the ability to be spontaneous. I would have to eat my meals at a certain time of day (or not eat at all because it would cause an unexpected RR trip because well I knew my body and how it would react). I had to alter what foods I consumed, that would trigger the ulcers in my intestines. I had to protect my peace and limit relationships and friendships that brought on stress that would too trigger my anxiety and cause my symptoms to go into OVERLOAD.

I cried and I cried. I constantly asked GOD, why ME? Like there are many other humans (yes, sis was selfish & in denial) why did he allow this disease to consume ME. I WAS FRUSTRATED! I WAS ANGRY! I FELT ALONE! I honestly got tired of hearing, what’s taking her sooo long. Why has she been in that bathroom that long… should someone go check on her.. we’re going to be late.

I was soo fatigued some days, that I wouldn’t want to get out of bed and sometimes I actually laid there all day. Any little food or drink that went into my body triggered some sort of reaction and I became depressed.

My family. Whew Lord, thank You for them. Sometimes I say, I can’t live with them but I also cannot live without them. To this very day, we find humor in my struggles with UC (now 3 years ago, that would not have went very well). My family and I worked with a nutritionist to alter my diet, but at times that did not seem to even help (it’s an ongoing battle).

My symptoms went from chronic to moderate, from moderate and today they are mild (PRAISE GOD!!). I experienced hair loss, fatigue, cramping, urgency, and etc (cause I’ll spare y’all the details). BUT, living with UC was MY NEW NORMAL!

I remember canceling plans with my friends, because I just knew they wouldn’t understand this disease and how much it had changed my life. I mean hey my friends were (..and still are, don’t fight me lol) young and free, plus I knew that they deserved to have fun during their Youthful Years.

I mean who wanted to go to lunch with someone and as soon as you ate something, you felt the need to excuse yourself to run to the restroom. Or who wanted to take road trips, when you knew you’d have to make several necessary stops to use the restroom because of your urgency. Y’all sis had a PITTY PARTY for an ENTIRE year.

One day I woke up, and said to myself that enough is ENOUGH (I’m sure it was the constant prayers or my prayer warriors)! I reminded myself that I am ENOUGH! I reminded myself that I am LOVED AND THAT I WILL NOT LET UC CONSUME ME OR MY LIFE!

I knew in my heart and soul that GOD had a plan and a purpose for my life. I know that GOD makes no mistakes and he certainly would NOT take me to something that he knew that I would not get through it or that I would not be able to handle.

I began to realize that I was BEAUTIFULLY, WONDERFULLY, & CAREFULLY crafted by GOD himself.

"Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex. Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Everyday of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed." Psalms 139: 14-16

Slowly, I began praying more (not as often as I should, but I was) and I was going back to church. I continued to go to my semi-annual appointments with my Gastro Dr, while managing my diet, and my stress level. UC forced me to change my lifestyle, but it didn’t change who I was on the inside.

Now, I am 27 years old with hair and weight loss, but STILL ALIVE!!! My support circle consisting of God, my family, and my friends HOLD ME TOGETHER!!! Okayy, Sis leans on her support circle when she needs to be loved on. I have learned that it’s okay to NOT ALWAYS BE OKAY!. I have been taught that it’s okay to NOT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE THE STRONG ONE, take turns and allow others to be strong.

"All praise to GOD, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others, When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more GOD will shower us with his comfort through Christ." 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

I am thankful for the grace that is extended to me when my friends, family, or co-workers and I have scheduled plans and will be late, because Sharane has to run to the restroom first. I am thankful for the courage of my circle, for standing up for me and to support me, when I am too fatigued, anxious, or stressed out to stand up for myself.

Let it be KNOWN, that living with UC may be a GAME CHANGER (..and MY NEW NORMAL), but it does NOT define YOU!

Jeremiah 29: 11-13 – For I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you, says the LORD.

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Sidebar // I initially had soo many feelings about posting this.

MY FEELINGS:

1) NOW EVERYBODY (& their mama, will be up in my business)

2) I questioned whether posting this would embarrass myself and I thought about the shame I'd feel with posting this

3) I thought about what others would think of me and whether they would treat me differently

..but someone near & dear to my heart sent me this friendly reminder.

"So never be ashamed to tell others about our Lord. And don't be ashamed of me, either, even though I'm in prison for him. With the strength God gives you, be ready to suffer with me for the sake of the Good News." 2 Timothy 1:8-10